Allow me to reminisce for a second.

There was a time when I was in elementary school when me and other young black males would instigate or get into a fight about some of the most ridiculous of things. Yes, we would get upset or agitated over name calling or if we thought you were stupid; even if you wore clothes that were considered shabby. We pretty much got into rumblings over normal things kids would argue and scuffle over. Yet there was another level of stupidity we would contend for and it included a stick as a prop. So much so if the opponent knocked off the stick (which was placed on your shoulder by others), it was on! And what was this scenario that caused so much conflict and violence you ask?

“Yo Mama.”

This would go on to be the staple for many young black men and it would also become the black woman’s disrespect card that is often pulled. Brothers, tell me if this sounds familiar.

“You ain’t nothing but a Mama’s boy.”

Now with this being the premise, not just for me but other black men, it’s no wonder why we think being a ladies man, a player, or a down right (pseudo) pimp reigns supreme in the minds of many black men. Most of us were raised by single mothers and even if she got married or had so-called step-fathers(s) around; black boys always had the duty to defend their mother. Ironically, our fathers became the blaxploitation film stars, the rappers, the drug dealers and the hustlers. And what did they glamorize or was braggadocios about the most? How much women they had or conquered. Just ask yourself black men, do you or do you know someone you kick it with that always boasts about how many women they knocked off or how many they could pimp? I understand having this mentality when you’re a young man and all; but when you get to your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s are you still keeping up with so-called notches on your belt? If your theme song is “I Don’t Know What You Heard About Me…” from rapper 50 Cent or you still think you’re still Goldie from the movie “The Mack,” then women have epitomized your manhood.

I understand we as men are hunters and conquerors by nature; I get that. But for the most part, however, we have taken our twisted adoration about our Mothers (when used correctly can be healthy btw) and translated it into fighting and defending black women that we aren’t even married to. I myself have been guilty of this absurdity when I was younger defending black women when most of the times; they were in the wrong. Think about it. Most fights (especially in clubs) are over some scantily clad dressed black woman. Even in our relationships, I understand men should take up for a woman to a certain degree; however, it should never be to the extent where physical harm is involved unless she’s your wife. Black women also play a part in this because they often perpetuate these situations by testing our manhood. Again, see if this sounds familiar.

“Oh, so you gonna let him (or them) talk to me that way, for real though? What’s wrong with you? Oh, so you some kind of punk now?”

I kept it clean only because we know often times expletives are often used in the exchange of the word punk.

Black men must understand that some black women aren’t worth saving; (say it again) especially if she’s not your wife!! We put and importance on how many women we can sleep with (or at least lie about how many we sleep with) like it’s some badge of honor that makes us men. I personally know men who’s in their 50’s who still brag about their feminine “escapades” and would clown you if you don’t have something similar or give don’t props to it.

Some say this was something “conditioned” during slavery because the black male was used in breeding. I would agree, however, but that reasoning or theory is not complete. Black people have had a history of worshiping or exalting our reproductive organs and if you don’t believe me check out the story of Nimrod and a plethora of others. The Americanized black, however, has had this abnormal affair with idolizing our mothers and as a result; we define our manhood from the eyes of a woman. Think about it. How come black women can tell us what a “real” man is better than a black man? Furthermore, ask the average black man what a real man is? I will guarantee you it will sound like it’s from a black woman’s perspective or the stereotypes that’s permeated from the media, entertainment, and our community in general. I understand there are some literal deadbeats out there who have children for, whatever the reason, don’t want to be involved in their children’s lives. But to be honest, based off the over 70% black single parent homes, you can’t conclude that over 70% of black men are horrible Fathers (another story for another blog). Now I know if there’s a black man reading this he will probably ask, “Then why don’t you tell me what’s a real black man?” My brother, I could only give my honest opinion about what a real black man is. However, it’s not in conjunction with the aforementioned things I addressed earlier. Black men should prioritize on becoming a husband and a Father more than becoming your typical player. We as African–Americans love the church, but hate reading the bible; which would do us well especially when it comes to reading Proverbs 31. You know that chapter in the bible that makes black women feel good, yet many fail to live up too. Anyways, black men please stop letting “that thing, that thing, that thiiiing,” between a black woman’s legs define you. Maybe Lauryn Hill was trying to give a hidden message in her song Doo-Wop (That Thing).

Maybe it didn’t just apply to the women fellas.

Peace and Love.

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