Tag Archives: African American Women

Thug Lovin: “Black Women’s Undying Love For Thugs.”

1000wIt’s no secret that black women or women in general, are attracted to a man with some kind of power or influence. Whether it’s your prestigious entrepreneur, entertainer, politician or congress men, even down to your local pastor; women love a man with a position of power. Kind of ironic those feminist women crave power disguised as equality; but then turn around and say they want a guy with some sort of “status?” But that’s another story for another day. What I want to deal with is the fascination that black women have for thugs. Even one of the most respected female emcees, MC Lyte, had to pay homage back in the day with the song, “Ruff Neck.” It actually happened to be one her biggest records by the way. However, what I want to do is to try to understand the psychology that women have when it comes to the coveted “bad boy” persona.

I’ve heard many black women say, “I need a guy who can handle me,” and when I was in my early 20’s I used to believe this nonsense. Yes, nonsense is what I call it now because after experiencing what most would call, the “typical black woman attitude,” I was often left feeling like I was the punk. And for any black woman who is reading this and saying to themselves, “He must of been messing with those ratchet hood chicks.” Well you’re correct, to a degree. I was just so intrigued with the Shaneeka’s, Lakeisha’s, and the Phaedra’s of the world, that they were of more of a challenge to me dating wise. My psyche was that if I could handle my next ‘EEKA,’ I could handle all black women.

Man was I wrong.

I eventually snapped out of liking those tough-talking, neck-moving, foul-mouthed, females. Like most men, I was drawn to these women because of their physical appearance, feistiness, and strength; also known as the “Strong Black Woman” mystique. So why am I being so retrospective in telling you this? Probably because when the black woman chooses the “thug,” she chooses them because of the look and the boldness. Funny how that happens, huh?tumblr_lkqyruvnBD1qdwh1so1_500

Black women choose the thug (or say they do) because they want security; they lust at the thugged-out appearance as a symbol of masculinity, and want to indulge in the often alluded stereotype that comes with bad boys: sexual gratification. This sexually based relationship (because that’s what it really is) ends up in the long run filled with multiple children, child support cases, parental (Father) abandonment, domestic violence, and worst death. From Yolanda to Senequa (yes, I know a woman by that name) time and time again, black women will go back to Daquan even after he’s done all kinds of evil to them. They actually believe the ‘thug’ represents the epitome of masculinity and power; the apex in their distorted, yet twisted “Knight in Shining Armor” mentality. Sadly, most of these women end up with the guy that I call the “Neo-thug.” The neo-thug doesn’t even have to prove or have street cred to be considered your typical thug anymore. He’s the guy who gets all of his thuggisms from movies and rap videos. He’ll make claims that he’s in a gang, but doesn’t have a set. He’s affiliated, but doesn’t participate in gang-related activities. He’s the guy who petty hustles, wants to be the next big rap star, tells a lot of “war stories” (which no one knows except him) and is allergic to a job application. Yet despite all of these traits; if he looks the part, black women will swoop him up even to the extent that she’ll let him live with her.

Another reason why black women are attracted to thugs is the element of control; and how they don’t have it over him. Black women will usually say “I don’t want no man I can control because I’ll walk all over him,” when in reality they do. In regards to the thug, however, they have both their fantasy and they have their challenge. They love the element of being put in check and wanting to have control at the same time! Unfortunately, with the thug you can never control him. You only get tired of him or exchange him for another one. Furthermore, the dilemma gets deeper when she attempts to make her thug into her own “science project.” Whether it’s the parolee straight from prison or the one who’s on his way there; black women will snatch him up out of curiosity or out of their desire to be nurturers. Unfortunately, most black women live off the exception not the rule, when it comes to dating the “bad boy.” And the rule is that many of these ‘boys’ do not change. Simply stated, if the school system, his parents, counseling, the juvenile and correctional facilities couldn’t rehabilitate him; neither can you.strong-black-beautiful-woman

The obsession many black women have with the street dude often creates a legacy of issues which has paralyzed the black community. As I’ve previously mentioned above, the fatherless-ness that is often created from dating the thug has more consequences than black women realize; especially when you start talking about it on a psychological level. Most of these “hood dudes” have behavioral issues and suffer from conduct (antisocial) disorders of which; are hardly ever resolved when they reach adulthood. Many have experienced some form of trauma; which can include verbal, mental, sexual and physical abuse. Once adults, they virtually carry on and become who their fathers were; even if the Father was never present in their lives. Likewise, the daughters also grow up and see their mothers date the same guys and often follow in their mother’s footsteps as well. As a matter of fact, some black women are now starting to emulate the very same thug they desire. Even though I used to be attracted to the “EEKA’S” of the world; these new thuggish-sounding, tatted up having, quick to fight anybody, type of female is just too much! I’m not even talking about the “studs” (another story for another blog) but these are black females who are attracted to black males.  Would I be wrong in saying let the battle of hyper-masculinity, begin?

In closing, I know some black women (and men) will read this post and will probably say “This ol’ lame @*% Negro…” and probably some other expletives and slurs; and will miss my point of this blog. It’s not just the hood chic that’s doing this, but it’s the career oriented, highly-educated and well-spoken ones too. I only wrote this blog because I’ve personally know women who are currently dating these men and think nothing of it. In an effort to be better people, we must first speak up on issues and past failures so we can grow as a people and not make the same mistakes. I’m not saying we are to totally turn our backs on black men who have experienced a trouble childhood or have a criminal past. However, black women must understand that the only way you can help a man like that is to let him help himself. Just remember black women the next thug you end up dealing with could very well spark another generation of convicts, absentee fathers, behaviorally challenged kids, and YOU living with the consequences and regrets. Don’t waist all of your good years seeking a thrill or chasing a fantasy. Because reality will hit you one day and you may not like what you see.240px-JaRuleThugLovin'Video



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“Not a Role Model?”

Bill O vs BeyonceHave you noticed that some people in the public eye receive a higher level of accountability and responsibility, while others seemingly do not? A few weeks ago, Bill O’Reilly on his show The O’Reilly Factor, interviewed Co-Founder of Def Jam, Russell Simmons about a raunchy video made by R&B-Pop superstar Beyoncé called “Partition.” O’Reilly, who has made it known his disgust for Hip hop music, asked Simmons an assortment of questions about how explicit the video and the lyrics were to the song in lieu of the fact it can influence young girls to become promiscuous.  Simmons, who was trying to promote his book “Success Through Stillness,” was caught off guard by O’Reilly’s barrage of questions and pretty much defended Beyoncé’s actions as an artist. O’Reilly, as you can expect, was not pleased by Simmons response by implying “How can you call this art?” He later went on to say that artists have a moral responsibility to their fans about the content they put out, and I actually found my self agreeing with…..Bill O’Reilly? Everyone knows O’Reilly loves to play these blame game tactics (mainly because he’s a bigot), especially with the black community throwing around statistics as a way to antagonize African-Americans. Well, after this interview with Simmons, the media created a storm with everyone giving their two cents about O’Reilly’s tactics and basically defending Beyoncé. I decided to wait until this story die down a bit to give MY two cents, and my critique may or may not shock you.

Before I begin let me be perfectly clear, I, in NO WAY endorse Bill O’Reilly, his show, or Fox News, thank you. The Beyoncé situation has raised some pertinent questions about are entertainers really looked to as role models anymore? Well, we certainly know professional athletes are because as soon as they get into trouble with the law, their defense in court is “I’m so and so and I’m a pillar in my community, kids look up to me, I’m A ROLE MODEL, I volunteer to this organization etc..” So is being a role model only convenient when it applies to someone who is in trouble with the law? Or maybe, just maybe, it only applies to men? I guess the prestige of public image only applies to politicians and preachers? Correction, male politicians and preachers.

Whether its Beyoncé, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Housewives of whoever, Love & Hip-Hop of whatever. Black women the writing is on the wall. The media have reincarnated old caricatures (Jezebel, Sapphire) stereotypes and have joined the two and what we have on television is the finished product. Sure we’ve had some African-American women write-up petitions involving certain television shows, such as Bravo’s Married to Medicine and Oxygen’s All My Babies Mama’s, which they claim depicted African-American women in a negative light. However, where’s the petitions or the outrage when it comes to your favorite performer, who hasn’t made a clear distinction between classy and ratchet. Don’t tell me ‘there’s many facets to a woman.’ I understand that. But does all facets need to be on display for all America to see?

I may never know what O’Reilly’s true intent was for calling out Beyoncé. Honestly, he could have invited her to his show and asked her the very questions he inquired from Simmons. With that being said, he was right because many young girls do look up to Beyoncé and others like her. However, what is hypocritical is that we as adults pick n choose who gets a pass for raunchiness and who doesn’t. It’s like saying what is”hood” versus what is “ghetto.” They both mean the same thing which is bad! Sadly, Beyoncé represents most African-American women because she is not held accountable because even in her “ratchetness,” there is no rebuke. There is no petitions. There is no outcry. Just shock value and gossip-and personal invites for birthday parties by Mrs. Obama herself. Society views the African-American family (unfortunately) through its Mother and if the Mother is ‘ratchet,’ then what can you expect from her children? Remember, you are what you eat, but you reproduce who you are. So when people ask is Beyoncé and people like her role models? I say no, because most of our parents aren’t role models anymore  either.