Monthly Archives: May 2014

The Black Male Flaw: How Black Men Use Women as a Barometer for Manhood.

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Allow me to reminisce for a second.

There was a time when I was in elementary school when me and other young black males would instigate or get into a fight about some of the most ridiculous of things. Yes, we would get upset or agitated over name calling or if we thought you were stupid; even if you wore clothes that were considered shabby. We pretty much got into rumblings over normal things kids would argue and scuffle over. Yet there was another level of stupidity we would contend for and it included a stick as a prop. So much so if the opponent knocked off the stick (which was placed on your shoulder by others), it was on! And what was this scenario that caused so much conflict and violence you ask?

“Yo Mama.”

This would go on to be the staple for many young black men and it would also become the black woman’s disrespect card that is often pulled. Brothers, tell me if this sounds familiar.

“You ain’t nothing but a Mama’s boy.”

Now with this being the premise, not just for me but other black men, it’s no wonder why we think being a ladies man, a player, or a down right (pseudo) pimp reigns supreme in the minds of many black men. Most of us were raised by single mothers and even if she got married or had so-called step-fathers(s) around; black boys always had the duty to defend their mother. Ironically, our fathers became the blaxploitation film stars, the rappers, the drug dealers and the hustlers. And what did they glamorize or was braggadocios about the most? How much women they had or conquered. Just ask yourself black men, do you or do you know someone you kick it with that always boasts about how many women they knocked off or how many they could pimp? I understand having this mentality when you’re a young man and all; but when you get to your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s are you still keeping up with so-called notches on your belt? If your theme song is “I Don’t Know What You Heard About Me…” from rapper 50 Cent or you still think you’re still Goldie from the movie “The Mack,” then women have epitomized your manhood.82aff94209fee9f1_tumblr_md1gyzBtJO1rkyhcbo1_500

I understand we as men are hunters and conquerors by nature; I get that. But for the most part, however, we have taken our twisted adoration about our Mothers (when used correctly can be healthy btw) and translated it into fighting and defending black women that we aren’t even married to. I myself have been guilty of this absurdity when I was younger defending black women when most of the times; they were in the wrong. Think about it. Most fights (especially in clubs) are over some scantily clad dressed black woman. Even in our relationships, I understand men should take up for a woman to a certain degree; however, it should never be to the extent where physical harm is involved unless she’s your wife. Black women also play a part in this because they often perpetuate these situations by testing our manhood. Again, see if this sounds familiar.

“Oh, so you gonna let him (or them) talk to me that way, for real though? What’s wrong with you? Oh, so you some kind of punk now?”

I kept it clean only because we know often times expletives are often used in the exchange of the word punk.

Black men must understand that some black women aren’t worth saving; (say it again) especially if she’s not your wife!! We put and importance on how many women we can sleep with (or at least lie about how many we sleep with) like it’s some badge of honor that makes us men. I personally know men who’s in their 50’s who still brag about their feminine “escapades” and would clown you if you don’t have something similar or give don’t props to it.

Some say this was something “conditioned” during slavery because the black male was used in breeding. I would agree, however, but that reasoning or theory is not complete. Black people have had a history of worshiping or exalting our reproductive organs and if you don’t believe me check out the story of Nimrod and a plethora of others. The Americanized black, however, has had this abnormal affair with idolizing our mothers and as a result; we define our manhood from the eyes of a woman. Think about it. How come black women can tell us what a “real” man is better than a black man? Furthermore, ask the average black man what a real man is? I will guarantee you it will sound like it’s from a black woman’s perspective or the stereotypes that’s permeated from the media, entertainment, and our community in general. I understand there are some literal deadbeats out there who have children for, whatever the reason, don’t want to be involved in their children’s lives. But to be honest, based off the over 70% black single parent homes, you can’t conclude that over 70% of black men are horrible Fathers (another story for another blog). Now I know if there’s a black man reading this he will probably ask, “Then why don’t you tell me what’s a real black man?” My brother, I could only give my honest opinion about what a real black man is. However, it’s not in conjunction with the aforementioned things I addressed earlier. Black men should prioritize on becoming a husband and a Father more than becoming your typical player. We as African–Americans love the church, but hate reading the bible; which would do us well especially when it comes to reading Proverbs 31. You know that chapter in the bible that makes black women feel good, yet many fail to live up too. Anyways, black men please stop letting “that thing, that thing, that thiiiing,” between a black woman’s legs define you. Maybe Lauryn Hill was trying to give a hidden message in her song Doo-Wop (That Thing).

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Maybe it didn’t just apply to the women fellas.

Peace and Love.


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Thug Lovin: “Black Women’s Undying Love For Thugs.”

1000wIt’s no secret that black women or women in general, are attracted to a man with some kind of power or influence. Whether it’s your prestigious entrepreneur, entertainer, politician or congress men, even down to your local pastor; women love a man with a position of power. Kind of ironic those feminist women crave power disguised as equality; but then turn around and say they want a guy with some sort of “status?” But that’s another story for another day. What I want to deal with is the fascination that black women have for thugs. Even one of the most respected female emcees, MC Lyte, had to pay homage back in the day with the song, “Ruff Neck.” It actually happened to be one her biggest records by the way. However, what I want to do is to try to understand the psychology that women have when it comes to the coveted “bad boy” persona.

I’ve heard many black women say, “I need a guy who can handle me,” and when I was in my early 20’s I used to believe this nonsense. Yes, nonsense is what I call it now because after experiencing what most would call, the “typical black woman attitude,” I was often left feeling like I was the punk. And for any black woman who is reading this and saying to themselves, “He must of been messing with those ratchet hood chicks.” Well you’re correct, to a degree. I was just so intrigued with the Shaneeka’s, Lakeisha’s, and the Phaedra’s of the world, that they were of more of a challenge to me dating wise. My psyche was that if I could handle my next ‘EEKA,’ I could handle all black women.

Man was I wrong.

I eventually snapped out of liking those tough-talking, neck-moving, foul-mouthed, females. Like most men, I was drawn to these women because of their physical appearance, feistiness, and strength; also known as the “Strong Black Woman” mystique. So why am I being so retrospective in telling you this? Probably because when the black woman chooses the “thug,” she chooses them because of the look and the boldness. Funny how that happens, huh?tumblr_lkqyruvnBD1qdwh1so1_500

Black women choose the thug (or say they do) because they want security; they lust at the thugged-out appearance as a symbol of masculinity, and want to indulge in the often alluded stereotype that comes with bad boys: sexual gratification. This sexually based relationship (because that’s what it really is) ends up in the long run filled with multiple children, child support cases, parental (Father) abandonment, domestic violence, and worst death. From Yolanda to Senequa (yes, I know a woman by that name) time and time again, black women will go back to Daquan even after he’s done all kinds of evil to them. They actually believe the ‘thug’ represents the epitome of masculinity and power; the apex in their distorted, yet twisted “Knight in Shining Armor” mentality. Sadly, most of these women end up with the guy that I call the “Neo-thug.” The neo-thug doesn’t even have to prove or have street cred to be considered your typical thug anymore. He’s the guy who gets all of his thuggisms from movies and rap videos. He’ll make claims that he’s in a gang, but doesn’t have a set. He’s affiliated, but doesn’t participate in gang-related activities. He’s the guy who petty hustles, wants to be the next big rap star, tells a lot of “war stories” (which no one knows except him) and is allergic to a job application. Yet despite all of these traits; if he looks the part, black women will swoop him up even to the extent that she’ll let him live with her.

Another reason why black women are attracted to thugs is the element of control; and how they don’t have it over him. Black women will usually say “I don’t want no man I can control because I’ll walk all over him,” when in reality they do. In regards to the thug, however, they have both their fantasy and they have their challenge. They love the element of being put in check and wanting to have control at the same time! Unfortunately, with the thug you can never control him. You only get tired of him or exchange him for another one. Furthermore, the dilemma gets deeper when she attempts to make her thug into her own “science project.” Whether it’s the parolee straight from prison or the one who’s on his way there; black women will snatch him up out of curiosity or out of their desire to be nurturers. Unfortunately, most black women live off the exception not the rule, when it comes to dating the “bad boy.” And the rule is that many of these ‘boys’ do not change. Simply stated, if the school system, his parents, counseling, the juvenile and correctional facilities couldn’t rehabilitate him; neither can you.strong-black-beautiful-woman

The obsession many black women have with the street dude often creates a legacy of issues which has paralyzed the black community. As I’ve previously mentioned above, the fatherless-ness that is often created from dating the thug has more consequences than black women realize; especially when you start talking about it on a psychological level. Most of these “hood dudes” have behavioral issues and suffer from conduct (antisocial) disorders of which; are hardly ever resolved when they reach adulthood. Many have experienced some form of trauma; which can include verbal, mental, sexual and physical abuse. Once adults, they virtually carry on and become who their fathers were; even if the Father was never present in their lives. Likewise, the daughters also grow up and see their mothers date the same guys and often follow in their mother’s footsteps as well. As a matter of fact, some black women are now starting to emulate the very same thug they desire. Even though I used to be attracted to the “EEKA’S” of the world; these new thuggish-sounding, tatted up having, quick to fight anybody, type of female is just too much! I’m not even talking about the “studs” (another story for another blog) but these are black females who are attracted to black males.  Would I be wrong in saying let the battle of hyper-masculinity, begin?

In closing, I know some black women (and men) will read this post and will probably say “This ol’ lame @*% Negro…” and probably some other expletives and slurs; and will miss my point of this blog. It’s not just the hood chic that’s doing this, but it’s the career oriented, highly-educated and well-spoken ones too. I only wrote this blog because I’ve personally know women who are currently dating these men and think nothing of it. In an effort to be better people, we must first speak up on issues and past failures so we can grow as a people and not make the same mistakes. I’m not saying we are to totally turn our backs on black men who have experienced a trouble childhood or have a criminal past. However, black women must understand that the only way you can help a man like that is to let him help himself. Just remember black women the next thug you end up dealing with could very well spark another generation of convicts, absentee fathers, behaviorally challenged kids, and YOU living with the consequences and regrets. Don’t waist all of your good years seeking a thrill or chasing a fantasy. Because reality will hit you one day and you may not like what you see.240px-JaRuleThugLovin'Video

 

 


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“The NBA (Players) could learn a lot from the Gay Community”

NBA: Playoffs-Miami Heat at Milwaukee BucksYesterday at the NFL Draft, Michael Sam was selected in the 7th round by the St. Louis Rams and became the first openly gay player in the history of the league. While people took to social media to either congratulate or disagree with the kiss seen around the world, I realized the NBA could learn a lot from the gay rights struggle. Just last year, NBA journeymen Jason Collins, made his announcement that he was an openly gay player. Since then, Collins has had the support of fellow NBA players such as Kobe Bryant, former league commissioner David Stern, even from the President and the First Lady, Barack and Michelle Obama. A free agent at the time of his announcement, Collins signed a 10-day contract with the Brooklyn Nets and had the #1 online selling jersey this past February (http://www.cbssports.com/nba/eye-on-basketball/24457433/jason-collins-jersey-skyrockets-to-no-1-on-sales-list). Some call it propaganda, I call it power. Whether you agree or disagree to whether or not there’s an “agenda” going on, one thing is for sure, the gay community is not backing down.michael-sam-drafted

As I have previously mentioned in an earlier blog, I believe the NBA players had an opportunity to make history in its own right, by refusing to play during the Donald Sterling fiasco. It would of sent a clear message that one, to the NBA, two, the owners, and three, to America as a whole when dealing with the issue of race. More importantly, it would have put a league (which is predominately African-American) in a position of power. Power, that gets to dictate to a league that our self-respect means more than our pay checks. Of course you have people who have rebutted saying, “They have to feed their families etc.” Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t NBA players have guarantee contracts? It’s not like the NFL where you can get released a year after signing your only guarantee dollars ironically called a “signing bonus.” The NBA situation spoke volumes about how many African-Americans would rather be accepted or have someone come to our defense/rescue, than to be respected and taking it by force. I believe there’s a certain party in politics that has done this for years…. I just can’t remember its name???

Michael Sam is just a microcosm of what the gay community has done in its efforts to be (I will say it again) RESPECTED in the annals of American society. Again, whether you agree with the lifestyle or not, the fact that they are breaking down barriers in areas of legislation, marriage, entertainment and sports, cannot be denied. One could even make a case about which movement has generated more progress in the area of civil rights; but that’s another topic for another day. The point is this; the gay community has taught the NBA players and many ‘progressive’ African-Americans a valuable lesson. If you really believe in something, stand for it. Don’t just have a message, become the message-embody it. Sadly, like most things “black” in America, this too will fall on deaf ears. Because like in the words of a famous YouTuber, Tommy Sotomayor, when it comes to addressing the issues in the black community we would rather be “SYBIL then CIVIL.”

Looks like when it comes to our issues as African-Americans, we just continue to drop the ball. No pun intended.

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“Black America, What Do We Stand For?”

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If you are an African-American and is reading this post, has this title sunk in yet? Does it even make sense to you? I understand that someone once said “If you want to hide something from black people, put it in a book.” Well, let’s just call this my prelude or preface; to a seemingly ongoing epidemic in my life as an African-American. I was going to call this post/blog “Can You Define Yourself, Black America?” However, I think I’ll wait until a later and a more proper time. Recently, I’ve seen mass hysteria going on in my community in regards to the latest release of a certain athletic shoe. This shoe just isn’t a shoe; it’s a pair of Air Jordan’s. Yes, Air Jordan’s. You know the guy who was famous for his high-flying, dominant scoring, aerial acrobatics with the basketball; and for leading the Chicago Bulls to 6 NBA titles in the early and mid-90s. Michael Jordan is that guy (for those living under a rock somewhere) who hasn’t played a professional NBA game in over a decade (since 2002-03 season). Mr. Jordan turned 50 years old this past February and now is the proud owner of a struggling NBA franchise, the Charlotte Bobcats. Jordan has never publically, (at least to my knowledge) said anything about what is now called the “Black Friday” for many black people when his shoes comes out. Oh, the irony.

I was a longtime supporter; wait a minute, I WAS a longtime idolater at the altar of Mr. Jordan that I used to read up on every book, video, or game that ever included him. I used to fantasize about playing like him, talking like him, even wore a cheap flea market jersey every time his games came on. To put it plainly, I loved him more than my own Father. Unfortunately, that dream of becoming him didn’t come true because I didn’t grow physically. In a matter of years my dream of playing ball like Mike was interrupted due to hormones and heredity. The point is, as much as I worshipped and adored Jordan; buying his shoes and apparel was line I wasn’t going to cross. Why? Because my parents taught me the value in the word called “no.” My parents didn’t believe in a child having shoes that not only they couldn’t afford; but the child couldn’t afford as well. They preached hard work, responsibility, discipline, and the true value of a dollar. These are values in which one can “stand” for.

From Jordan’s to Starter jackets, from Gucci to Louie Vat ton; it seems like the black community will literally STAND in line for the latest trinkets and fashions. And then STAND around the corner ready to pounce, shoot and rob the person who purchased the merchandise. Howbeit, these same people will return to the same ‘hood’ in which they live to show off their new-found piece of ‘glory.’ We will STAND up for the latest street thug for keeping it real; then cry out there’s no real or quality black men. I understand some people will say after reading this, “It’s not all or White people do it with cell phones etc.” The problem with that is the African-American community consumes (spends) the most out of any minority or people group in the United States. According to Experian.Com, African-American buying power will reach an astonishing $1.2 trillion, meaning that almost nine cents out of every dollar spent in the United States will come from African-American consumers ( as of 2013). I do not write my blogs to purposely offend, derogate, or disrespect my community. However, when will enough be enough? We STAND in line at Hip-Hop shows which do nothing but disrespect and sell their souls for money and fame; at the price of promoting ignorance and preconceived stereotypes. We STAND in the offering line due to a perverted or misguided preacher giving our ‘all’ in trying to live the ‘’blessed life;’’ or at least to look good for Passa and them. We STAND when we heard about Trayvon Martin; yet refuse to STAND about the violence in our own communities. We will STAND on a block in our neighborhoods all day acknowledging a place we don’t own. Yet we won’t STAND in the job line, P.T.A. meeting or for better education. We will stand and be comfortable with being strong single parents; yet we won’t STAND for abstinence, birth control, or marriage. Black America; materialism, consumerism, self-hate, jealousy and murder is destroying us. No matter how much ‘we’ learn about ourselves; the problem is the human heart-which is the heart of the problem. I’m not trying to section off a part of humanity; just trying to awaken a community in which I am a part of.  Peace.